At Last Weddings

My base fee is $250 for all weddings that are local. After 25 miles I add travel expenses based on the distance, time expenditure and cost of meals and accommodations that the timing of the wedding will require of me. Optional additions include singing (generally $50 to provide up to three songs I already know or $100 for a song I would have to learn), Premarital enrichment or counseling is included in all weddings at no added expense except $35 for couples who wish to do the Prepare-Enrich marital inventory, which is my expense from the company that administers the assessment. My fees are first to defray my expenses and after that to invest in my own marriage since time planning and officiating non-church member weddings takes time away from being with my wife. I invest any fees or wedding honoraria in dates with my wife, vacations with her, or saving toward an eventual home in retirement since we have no home equity as a pastoral family living in a parsonage.

I respond to notifications as soon as possible. Once a couple is seriously interested in my services, I meet with them in person if they are local (greater Burlington/Elon area) or we have a Zoom/FaceTime or phone visit first if they are further away, but as soon as possible we have an in-person visit. Then I offer premarital counseling (1-4 or more sessions) and a premarital inventory if the couple desires. I try to do as much of the planning of the wedding as possible in our initial meeting, but offer further wedding planning time later remotely (or when not too distant by a personal meeting). If the couple desires a wedding rehearsal (which I recommend unless the service is just the vows), I normally attend and help lead the rehearsal. If there is no rehearsal, I arrange with the couple to be present well ahead of time on the wedding day to walk through the ceremony and choreograph the flow of the service. I also offer (but do not require) a follow up consultation 3-9 months after the wedding to follow up on how the couple is doing.

I have a B.A. in psychology and religion from Emory University (Phi Beta Kappa); Master of Divinity from Duke University (summa cum Laude), and a Doctor of Ministry from Wesley Theological Seminary with a focus in Arts and Theology and a dissertation on Christian hospitality and the arts. The undergraduate degree prepared me to better understand relationship dynamics. The MDiv. prepared me further in marital counseling, worship leadership and preparation, preaching, and administration as well as all other areas of pastoral ministry. Experience with weddings for 33 years has taught me wedding etiquette and how to deal with diverse wedding parties and family dynamics. 35 1/2 years of being married has prepared me to help couples envision their long term potential, and 25 years of being trained (with my wife) as a marriage enrichment leader has offered me a diverse set of marital tools for positive, edifying communication, conflict management, goal setting, skills for working together, spiritual growth together/marriage as a divine vocation, and methods for speaking one another’s love language. I was ordained a deacon (probationary first step) in the United Methodist Church in 1988, and an elder in 1991 after a long series of reflection papers, psychological assessments, interviews before boards of ordained ministry, and recommendations for multiple overseers and parishioners. This lengthy process assured that I met ethical and spiritual standards and that I root all facets of my ministry, including officiating at weddings, in a clear sense of God’s call, personal integrity and a motive of service.

I began officiating at weddings as a young pastor as part of my job after I finished my Master of Divinity degree at Duke University Divinity School.

I have worked with couples of multiple ethnic backgrounds, Christian traditions, and cultural backgrounds. Most couples have known one another for a year or longer. One couple had met over the internet, with the man from Tennessee and the woman from Bulgaria. After a long process of meeting with the couple while they tried to discern a way and location where both could be happy, I officiated over a remarkably beautiful service. Most of the weddings I have presided over have been for members of my congregations and without any fees. I now officiate beyond the local church as an outreach to the greater community.

One really fun and meaningful recent wedding was outdoors and involved a couple, a crowd of about 100 and their two dogs, who were the ring bearers. We celebrated a beautiful courtship and prayerful call to be yoked together by God with Scripture, a message filled with laughter and reflection on the gift of marriage, and words of support by the families of the couple. We worked together over about six months to plan the wedding and more importantly to prepare for their life together in our premarital counseling sessions.

I would advise you to hire someone who cares as much about you having an enduring and fruitful marriage as he or she cares about the service being special. I stand before God with every couple I marry and want each one to have the blessing of knowing that I earnestly ask the Lord to guide, bless and be at the center of their marriage covenant. Anyone can potentially lead you in vows and accept a fee; a marriage officiant worth employing is wholeheartedly rooting for you as a couple to keep growing in love and commitment your whole lives so that you can both have a sense of what Genesis 2 describes of the woman being presented to the man and he responds, “At last! She is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh!” That is why I named my wedding service “At Last”: because when two are called by God to be married and do the daily and lifelong work of prayerfully nurturing that marriage, they will greet one another each day with that same wonder and gratitude that only grows over time.

Does the officiant care that your marriage has a fighting chance of being lifelong and fulfilling? Is the officiant a person who is able to show warmth toward you and appreciation of the relationship that is leading to your marriage? Is the officiant firm about making the service meaningful but flexible about the order of service within the boundaries of spiritual and professional integrity.